care to share jokes...i'm just too bored..
- Thread starter DR78
- Start date
wish
:Not_Impressed: A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you
have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I
want."The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard
for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time
and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish
that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what
she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what
she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly
happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge
:Not_Impressed: A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you
have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I
want."The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard
for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time
and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish
that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what
she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what
she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly
happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge
One day, Ms Smith announce to her clas of kindergardeners" children, today we'll learn some 3 syllables words. Can anyone tell me any 3 syllables word?"
Upon that, little Johnny put up his hand and said "masturbate"
Ms. Smith, impressed and slightly upset, "wow, Johnny. That's a mouthful"
Little Johnie "no, Ms. Smith. You're thinking about a blowjob"
Upon that, little Johnny put up his hand and said "masturbate"
Ms. Smith, impressed and slightly upset, "wow, Johnny. That's a mouthful"
Little Johnie "no, Ms. Smith. You're thinking about a blowjob"
Mr Honda, of the Honda Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven for
judgment. At the gates, The Gatekeeper told Mr Honda, "since you've been
such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward
is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Mr Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out
with God. I have a question for Him."
The Gatekeeper took Mr Honda to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
Mr. Honda then asked God, "Aren't you the inventor of women?" God Said,
"Ah, yes. Indeed I am". "Well," said Mr Honda, "Professional to
professional, you have some major design flaws in your design;
1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and have excessive wobble.
4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous, and I don't
even wanna start talking about the maintenance costs.
"Hmmmm, you do raise some good points" replied God, "Lets have a wee look."
God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few things and waited
for the results.
After a moment God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to
be flawed, but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention
than yours."
judgment. At the gates, The Gatekeeper told Mr Honda, "since you've been
such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward
is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Mr Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out
with God. I have a question for Him."
The Gatekeeper took Mr Honda to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
Mr. Honda then asked God, "Aren't you the inventor of women?" God Said,
"Ah, yes. Indeed I am". "Well," said Mr Honda, "Professional to
professional, you have some major design flaws in your design;
1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and have excessive wobble.
4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous, and I don't
even wanna start talking about the maintenance costs.
"Hmmmm, you do raise some good points" replied God, "Lets have a wee look."
God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few things and waited
for the results.
After a moment God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to
be flawed, but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention
than yours."
engineer and bike
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
the 2 engineers must be gay partners. But then again, if a chic does come doing that wit a wrx... i would definitely take the wrx instead. hahahaha...
she said take what i want ma...
might as well, take her for a RIDE~....and take her bike after that? :P
might as well, take her for a RIDE~....and take her bike after that? :P
it depends oh.. i assume itz a pork chop.. so thatz why i skip it and go straight to the bike/car. heh heh heh.
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