This is a good one...... Have a good laugh...
A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs due to very serious
health
risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran
across an
ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. "Guaranteed.
Yeah
right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and
subscribes to the 3-day/10 pound weight loss program. The next day
there's
a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old young lady dressed in nothing but a
pair
of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself
as
a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you
can catch me, you can have me!"
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later,
huffing
and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After
they
are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this
company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two days
and
the same thing happens.
On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has
lost
10 lb. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20
pound
program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
most
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing
nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,
"If you catch me, you can have me."
He's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape
and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth
every
cramp and wheeze. For the next four days, the same routine happens.
Much to
his delight, on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost
another 20 lbs as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/ 50
pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone.
"This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds
a
muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and
a
sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine." :lol: :lol:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Worst Death
Three guys had recently died and were awaiting entrance into Heaven.
But
St. Peter appeared and informed them that, unfortunately, Heaven was
only
allowing 33% of applicants in today, due to overpopulation.
So, only one of the three would be allowed in. Whomever died the worst
death out of the three would be let in.
St. Peter took the first man aside in private, and let him tell his
story:
"For months I had been suspecting that my wife had been cheating on me.
So,
one day, I decided to leave home from work early and try to catch her
in
the act. But when I arrived home, she was in the shower. Suspicious, I
searched the house for anybody. And then I found him: He was hanging
off my
25th floor balcony hoping I wouldn't see him! Fortunately, there was a
hammer nearby and I bashed his fingers. He fell, but he didn't die!
Outraged, I grabbed my refrigerator and chucked it down on him. It
killed
him instantly. But then I felt so bad about it, I took a gun and killed
myself."
St. Peter thought this was certainly a decent death, and took the
second
guy aside to hear his story:
"O.K. I live on the 27th floor of my apartment building, and I was out
on
my balcony getting some fresh air. I yawned and took in a big stretch,
and
I lost my balance! I fell over the balcony, but--I was so lucky--I
managed
to grab another room's balcony a couple of stories down. But then, for
some
reason, this guy came out and bashed my hands with a hammer. I guess he
was
mad I was hanging off his deck. Anyway, I fell about 25 stories down,
but
luckier still, I wasn't dead. But as I looked up, I saw that a
refrigerator
was on its way down to bash me. That's how I died."
St. Peter thought this death was quite tragic, but still took the third
guy
aside to hear his story. The third guy started:
"Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..." :o :lol: :lol:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore
Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative
were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following
incident which occurred not too many years ago.
It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists,
Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple
questions:
MC: The first question is :
Name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you 3 more chances;
Now, name me an animal starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT
Judge: No, no, no!
MC: Your next chance.
The name of a famous car that start with "L"
Miss USA: Lexus
Miss Malaysia: Lamborghini
Miss Singapore: Lolls-Loyce
Judge: Oh my God!
MC: I am going to give you one last chance!
Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lemon
Miss Malaysia: Lychee
Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN!!
This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of
judges
to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they
decided
that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter
"L",
they decided to give her another chance.
Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with
the
letter "L"
Miss USA: Lung (applause)
Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)
Then with a sudden silent and all eyes & ears focusing to the last
answer...
Miss Singapore: LAN CIAU :lol: :lol: :lol:
The Judge fainted...
:wacko: :blink:
A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs due to very serious
health
risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran
across an
ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. "Guaranteed.
Yeah
right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and
subscribes to the 3-day/10 pound weight loss program. The next day
there's
a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old young lady dressed in nothing but a
pair
of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself
as
a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you
can catch me, you can have me!"
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later,
huffing
and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After
they
are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this
company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two days
and
the same thing happens.
On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has
lost
10 lb. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20
pound
program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
most
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing
nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,
"If you catch me, you can have me."
He's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape
and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth
every
cramp and wheeze. For the next four days, the same routine happens.
Much to
his delight, on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost
another 20 lbs as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/ 50
pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone.
"This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds
a
muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and
a
sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine." :lol: :lol:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Worst Death
Three guys had recently died and were awaiting entrance into Heaven.
But
St. Peter appeared and informed them that, unfortunately, Heaven was
only
allowing 33% of applicants in today, due to overpopulation.
So, only one of the three would be allowed in. Whomever died the worst
death out of the three would be let in.
St. Peter took the first man aside in private, and let him tell his
story:
"For months I had been suspecting that my wife had been cheating on me.
So,
one day, I decided to leave home from work early and try to catch her
in
the act. But when I arrived home, she was in the shower. Suspicious, I
searched the house for anybody. And then I found him: He was hanging
off my
25th floor balcony hoping I wouldn't see him! Fortunately, there was a
hammer nearby and I bashed his fingers. He fell, but he didn't die!
Outraged, I grabbed my refrigerator and chucked it down on him. It
killed
him instantly. But then I felt so bad about it, I took a gun and killed
myself."
St. Peter thought this was certainly a decent death, and took the
second
guy aside to hear his story:
"O.K. I live on the 27th floor of my apartment building, and I was out
on
my balcony getting some fresh air. I yawned and took in a big stretch,
and
I lost my balance! I fell over the balcony, but--I was so lucky--I
managed
to grab another room's balcony a couple of stories down. But then, for
some
reason, this guy came out and bashed my hands with a hammer. I guess he
was
mad I was hanging off his deck. Anyway, I fell about 25 stories down,
but
luckier still, I wasn't dead. But as I looked up, I saw that a
refrigerator
was on its way down to bash me. That's how I died."
St. Peter thought this death was quite tragic, but still took the third
guy
aside to hear his story. The third guy started:
"Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..." :o :lol: :lol:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore
Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative
were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following
incident which occurred not too many years ago.
It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists,
Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple
questions:
MC: The first question is :
Name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you 3 more chances;
Now, name me an animal starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT
Judge: No, no, no!
MC: Your next chance.
The name of a famous car that start with "L"
Miss USA: Lexus
Miss Malaysia: Lamborghini
Miss Singapore: Lolls-Loyce
Judge: Oh my God!
MC: I am going to give you one last chance!
Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lemon
Miss Malaysia: Lychee
Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN!!
This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of
judges
to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they
decided
that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter
"L",
they decided to give her another chance.
Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with
the
letter "L"
Miss USA: Lung (applause)
Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)
Then with a sudden silent and all eyes & ears focusing to the last
answer...
Miss Singapore: LAN CIAU :lol: :lol: :lol:
The Judge fainted...
:wacko: :blink:
