care to share jokes...i'm just too bored..

[CcL]

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Newfie were sitting in a bar
in Toronto. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional.

" Y'know " said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow
there's a little place called McTavish's.The landlord goes out of his way for
the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink
for you."

" Well," said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman will buy
you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, that's nothin'," said the Newfie. "Back home in Sin Jahn's there's the
Codfish Bar. The moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink,
then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks
they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Newfie's claims but
he swears every word is true.

" Well," said the Englishman, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not me myself, personally, no," said the Newfie. "But it did happen to me
sister a few times."

==========================

Q: How do you sink a Newfie submarine?
A: Knock on the screen door.

 

[BlackSamurai]

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because
he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he
put
a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block
10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us
our
trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with
this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a
ticket I'll lose my job. "Lead us not into temptation."

 

[BlackSamurai]

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know
what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you
mean,
you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay,"
said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy." The
young boy replied
excitedly, "It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"

 

[ka_ren]

haha....sure no prob. u pm me ur no. so if i come across any stuff like dat i will sure call u immediately n c la..lol

my no. no need kua... jus pm me in zth la.. hehe.... y? u got frens in that circumstances r? lol

 

[DR78]

my no. no need kua... jus pm me in zth la.. hehe.... y? u got frens in that circumstances r? lol

haha..no la i only mix around wiv frens who has big assets...lol... i tot maybe u would have seen stuff like that many times edi...... well please pm me then if u come across something as tiny as that k..hehehe
it would surely be educational 4 me one..

 

[lozo]

an american that goes into space is an astronaut
a russian that goes into space is a cosmonaut

a malaysian...
can or not ?!?!

 

[rorytate]

it become MalaysiaCanNot.....LOL

Not looking down at our country, but i do have big hope seeing my country succcess

 

[2pac]

I Like Your Thinking:

I Like Your Thinking:


A teacher asks her class,
''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?''
She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4,
but I like your thinking.''
Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream.
One is delicately Licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling Down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
"Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...
but I like your thinking.''

 

[DR78]

haha...lol..

 

[ka_ren]

I Like Your Thinking:


A teacher asks her class,
''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?''
She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4,
but I like your thinking.''
Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream.
One is delicately Licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling Down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
"Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...
but I like your thinking.''

i like ur joke.. lol

 

[2pac]

i like ur joke.. lol

Good ler..... will post more when i'm free....

 

[2pac]

What's the difference between Stress,Tension & Panic?

What's the difference between Stress,Tension & Panic?

Stress - wife is pregnant

Tension - girlfriend is pregnant

Panic - maid is pregnant

 

[DR78]

hey 2 pac..how come la u know dat so well one..facing anything similar??hehhe

 

[2pac]

hey 2 pac..how come la u know dat so well one..facing anything similar??hehhe

Hehehe.... i hope i will not face tension and Panic... if Stress then ok lah.... but sometimes i do feel a little bit tension lor...:regular_smile:

 

[2pac]

wish

:Not_Impressed: A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you
have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I
want."The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard
for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time
and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish
that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what
she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what
she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly
happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge

 

[ModMaestro]

One day, Ms Smith announce to her clas of kindergardeners" children, today we'll learn some 3 syllables words. Can anyone tell me any 3 syllables word?"

Upon that, little Johnny put up his hand and said "masturbate"

Ms. Smith, impressed and slightly upset, "wow, Johnny. That's a mouthful"

Little Johnie "no, Ms. Smith. You're thinking about a blowjob"

 

[BlackSamurai]

Mr Honda, of the Honda Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven for
judgment. At the gates, The Gatekeeper told Mr Honda, "since you've been
such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward
is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Mr Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out
with God. I have a question for Him."

The Gatekeeper took Mr Honda to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
Mr. Honda then asked God, "Aren't you the inventor of women?" God Said,
"Ah, yes. Indeed I am". "Well," said Mr Honda, "Professional to
professional, you have some major design flaws in your design;

1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and have excessive wobble.
4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous, and I don't
even wanna start talking about the maintenance costs.

"Hmmmm, you do raise some good points" replied God, "Lets have a wee look."
God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few things and waited
for the results.

After a moment God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to
be flawed, but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention
than yours."

 

[alien]

wahahahhahhahhahaha...
zadao mr honda..

 

[BlackSamurai]

don't fight with GOD. :p

 

[DR78]

hahaha.... dats so true though..hehhehe