care to share jokes...i'm just too bored..

[DR78]

A koala is sitting on a tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says to the koala: "Hey! what are you doing?"

The koala says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and
is going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into
the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and
helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard, "What's the matter
with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a
joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is
sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and yells out:

"Hey you!" The koala looks down and says ... "Faaaaarrrrk dude ... how
much water did you drink?!"

 

[DR78]

Fred, the patient requested, "Don't Laugh Doc"

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In
over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing
the tiniest appendage the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been the
size of a peanut. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling,
then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle
to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry "said the doctor. "I really am..... I don't know what came
over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't
happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Fred replied.

 

[ka_ren]

Fred, the patient requested, "Don't Laugh Doc"

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In
over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing
the tiniest appendage the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been the
size of a peanut. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling,
then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle
to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry "said the doctor. "I really am..... I don't know what came
over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't
happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Fred replied.

i wanna take a look at the patient man.... curious.. lol

 

[DR78]

haha....sure no prob. u pm me ur no. so if i come across any stuff like dat i will sure call u immediately n c la..lol

 

[Duke Red]

Got his from Delirious by Eddie Murphy:

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks if he has problems with shit sticking to his fur. The rabbit says no. The bear then picks the rabbit up and wipes his ass with him.


Momma classics:

1) Your momma's so poor that when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers.

2) Your momma's so poor, she put her cardboard house up for a 2nd mortgage

3) Your momma's so fat that one day she wore yellow and school children tried to board her

 

[CcL]

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Newfie were sitting in a bar
in Toronto. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional.

" Y'know " said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow
there's a little place called McTavish's.The landlord goes out of his way for
the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink
for you."

" Well," said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman will buy
you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, that's nothin'," said the Newfie. "Back home in Sin Jahn's there's the
Codfish Bar. The moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink,
then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks
they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Newfie's claims but
he swears every word is true.

" Well," said the Englishman, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not me myself, personally, no," said the Newfie. "But it did happen to me
sister a few times."

==========================

Q: How do you sink a Newfie submarine?
A: Knock on the screen door.

 

[BlackSamurai]

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because
he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he
put
a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block
10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us
our
trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with
this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a
ticket I'll lose my job. "Lead us not into temptation."

 

[BlackSamurai]

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know
what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you
mean,
you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay,"
said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy." The
young boy replied
excitedly, "It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"

 

[ka_ren]

haha....sure no prob. u pm me ur no. so if i come across any stuff like dat i will sure call u immediately n c la..lol

my no. no need kua... jus pm me in zth la.. hehe.... y? u got frens in that circumstances r? lol

 

[DR78]

my no. no need kua... jus pm me in zth la.. hehe.... y? u got frens in that circumstances r? lol

haha..no la i only mix around wiv frens who has big assets...lol... i tot maybe u would have seen stuff like that many times edi...... well please pm me then if u come across something as tiny as that k..hehehe
it would surely be educational 4 me one..

 

[lozo]

an american that goes into space is an astronaut
a russian that goes into space is a cosmonaut

a malaysian...
can or not ?!?!

 

[rorytate]

it become MalaysiaCanNot.....LOL

Not looking down at our country, but i do have big hope seeing my country succcess

 

[2pac]

I Like Your Thinking:

I Like Your Thinking:


A teacher asks her class,
''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?''
She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4,
but I like your thinking.''
Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream.
One is delicately Licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling Down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
"Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...
but I like your thinking.''

 

[DR78]

haha...lol..

 

[ka_ren]

I Like Your Thinking:


A teacher asks her class,
''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?''
She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4,
but I like your thinking.''
Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream.
One is delicately Licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling Down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
"Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...
but I like your thinking.''

i like ur joke.. lol